Mad Programmer Commits Suicide
   
   KENNETT, MO (July 25, 1998) -- For two years Doug Carter toiled away
   in his basement computer lab working on his own 'Dougnix' operating system.
   Apparently he was sick of Windows 95 so he decided to create his own OS,
   based loosely on Unix.  He had developed his own 'DougUI' window
   manager, Doug++ compiler, DougFS filesystem, and other integrated tools. 
   
   All was going well until last week when he hooked his computer up to
   the Internet for the first time.  It was then that he stumbled on to
   www.linux.org.  Reports are sketchy about what happened next.  We do
   know he committed suicide days after, leaving behind a rambling suicide  
   note.  Part of the note says:
   
   "I've wasted the past two years of my life... Wasted... Gone... Forever...
   Never return to.  [illegible]  Why did I bother creating my own OS... when
   Linux is exactly what I needed!?!?!?!  If I had only known about Linux!
   Why someone didn't tell me?  [illegible]  Wasted!  Aggghhh!"
   [The rest of the note is filled with incomprehensible assembly language
   ramblings.]
   
   "If only Linux had better marketing than Microsoft, this tragedy never
   would have occurred," Doug's brother said.