Web Founder Is a Genius, Receives Award

WEST FILABUCKET, Connecticut /DenounceNewswire/ -- June 2, 1998 -- The MacArthur Foundation today announced that, after careful tests and measurements, it's official: Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web, is a certified genius.

He is therefore immediately eligible for either a $270,000 lump-sum payment, or, a 1-room lean-to shack on 62 square feet of land in Palo Alto, CA.

Mr. Berners-Lee reportedly jumped at the chance to get the free land in Palo Alto.

When asked about the prize, Mr. Berners-Lee, who replies to questions only after lengthy pauses unpredictable in length ( a trademark style he successfully transferred to the Web itself), said, ". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I'd be crazy not to grab some land in Palo Alto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Even sixty-two square feet. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why, in a few months, that'll be worth o-. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ver a mil-. . . . . . .. . .-lion, easy."

Asked why Mr. Berners-Lee was awarded the prize, a Foundation spokesperson only would say, "because we really hope he can use the proceeds to figure out how to make the web better, now that we're all stuck with it."

Mr. Berners-Lee also invented the http protocol and the concept of a URL -- both bizarre constructs that continue to confuse and frustrate millions, says Indu Strypundit, an industry pundit.

Twenty-eight other lucky souls were also today named as recipients of the prestigious MacArthur Fellowships. Denounce's editor and publisher, to the shock and dismay of many industry insiders, was not among them. Stocks fell in sympathy, while the bond market rallied, indicating there's always hope for next year.